Attitude matters
Wu Xinping, a marriage counselor of more than 10 years in Beijing, said she has heard of couples who broke up as they were preparing for the weddings.
She has read about an extreme example before, a couple who only lasted 25 minutes from marriage to divorce. After officially registering their marriage in a government office, the couple went out the door to start buying things for a wedding ceremony; they had a disagreement and went straight back for divorce.
"Nowadays, we not only have 'flash marriage' but 'flash divorce' as well," she said. "People spend so much more money and thought on weddings, but rarely do they spend time learning how to maintain a good marriage."
When two people are in a relationship, it's romantic and they often see only each other's good side. But when they are cooperating (on weddings, for example), their differences appear and often cause disputes, disappointment and anxiety, she said. These are all normal emotions.
"Instead of attacking each other when fighting, use it as a way of communicating with one another, then they can examine what they need to learn and mature," she said.
Li and Yang both think it's normal for a girl to want a perfect wedding.
"Of course girls' expectations are higher," Yang said. "Guys might not have a focus on a perfect wedding, they might be concerned with saving money. But girls tend to think of this as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spend money."
But as it turned out, they couldn't have the perfect wedding. Both Li and Yang made compromises.
In the end, having the right person is most important, Yang said.
Wang said she learned how to adjust her outlook on life, a very useful lesson.
"I think I wasn't prepared at first," she said. "Now I know, I should never expect too much, it shouldn't be about a perfect wedding, it's just a thing you need to get through, just a process."
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