Chinese, Western parenting methods compared in new study (2)

Child-based worth

Some examples of psychological manipulation can be found in Chua's story. In her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Chua, a Chinese-American, wrote about her constant battles with her two daughters as she pushed them to excel in school, piano and violin. She wrote that any grade less than an A was unacceptable and sleepovers or play dates were not allowed. When her daughter refused to practice the piano, she called her "lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic."

Parents were also asked to indicate the extent to which they felt their self-worth was based on their children's achievements.

For instance, parents were asked to rate to what extent they feel bad about themselves when their child fails, or whether their child's failure makes them feel ashamed.

The study found that Chinese mothers based their worth on children's performance more than European and African American mothers, and that this contributed to the difference in parental control among Chinese and American mothers.

This research doesn't just look at the differences between Chinese and US parents, but it established a correlation between parents' child-based worth and their use of psychological control. It means that mothers with greater child-based worth are more controlling, said Florrie Fei-Yin Ng, a professor of psychology at Chinese University of Hong Kong, and lead author of the paper.

"The more the parents feel that their worth hinges on their children's performance, the more pressure they have to do whatever they can to push their kids," said Ng.

In Chinese communities, parents often compare their children's performances either in public or in private. Parents often say to their children, "We're doing this for your own good" or "Everything I did, I did for you."

Although many young parents in their 20s or 30s say they don't want to put too much pressure on their children as their parents did, they still admit that if their children don't do well in school, they would feel embarrassed or feel that they had "lost face."

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